I think it’s fair to describe myself as a pretty sexual person. Before I met my current partner, Jason, and got married, I identified my sexuality as bisexual because I thought it was the only “don’t really care” category of human sexuality. But since then I’ve learned a lot more about myself, gender and sex. If I were to define my sexuality today, I would identify as pansexual or omnisexual.
I say “if” because this thought recently occurred to me: Does defining my sexuality matter anymore?
I’m in a monogamous, heterosexual relationship. No desire or intention to split up any time soon. No desire or intention to open our relationship. We’re not especially interested in group sex. I’m not, nor am I interested in, cheating. So if I’m only sleeping with the same person every time, is there a need to define my sexuality?
My first impulse was no, it doesn’t matter. Jason doesn’t care. It won’t change our relationship or sex life. But I thought about it some more and eventually changed my mind. Life is so fluid … what if I were to find myself single tomorrow? What if Jason told me he was transgender or genderqueer and it did suddenly become very important to our relationship what my sexual identity was? But even more importantly, I felt that if I didn’t, I’d be missing out on knowing a big chunk of myself.
Of course as I write this, my inner non-conformist is screaming at me, why define my sexuality in any way in the first place? Isn’t that just labeling myself? And don’t labels just close off other possibilities? When it comes to love and sex, why would I want to close myself off?
I’m VERY interested in hearing what others have to say on this subject. How do you define your sexuality? Why choose that particular definition to describe it? I’m not at all implying orientation is a choice, but there are MANY words to define and describe it, so why pick one over another? Are labels of sexual orientations healthy and/or necessary?
Manda is, in no special order, an artist, mama, writer, activist and history geek.