A professor at the University of Texas is making his case for getting married early in life. According the the Austin American-Statesman:
If Christians aren’t waiting until marriage to have sex — and statistics show they aren’t — Mark Regnerus says he’s found the perfect solution: They should just get married right after high school . . .
His premise, in the Christianity Today piece, is that the evangelical emphasis on abstinence, combined with the growing number of adults who are getting married later in life, has created economic, biological and emotional problems for Christians. U.S. Census Bureau data show that the median age for marriage has been rising steadily since the 1960s, when the median marrying age was 20 for women and 22 for men. By 2007, the median age had risen to 25 for women and 27 for men.
Regnerus’ main argument is “that evangelical Christians have become too preoccupied with sex and turned their attention away from the damage that Americans are doing to the institution of marriage by discouraging it and delaying it.
I’ve got several quarrels with this premise. For starters, high school students need to be receiving comprehensive sex education. Comprehensive sex ed includes information about abstinence, but it also empowers students to actually say no by encouraging them to look at other options besides intercourse, such as masturbation and outercourse. It also teaches them how to talk to their partner about sex so that they feel comfortable having a dialogue. These are important life skills that even adults haven’t mastered. But I really believe that people need an opportunity to experience life, make a few mistakes, and learn from those errors before you end up in a marriage. The great thing about being single in your twenties is that you can pick up and go off to China to teach English for a year, or survive on ramen noodles for a month because you blew your grocery money on concert tickets. Once you’re responsible for another person, you have to take their needs into account before you make decisions. Marriage is great, but it’s more fulfilling after living the single life for a while, imho.
Secondly, students who graduate from high school need an opportunity to experience life on their own before they make a commitment to be married. Most high school students have no idea how to set a budget, balance their checkbook, shop for groceries, do the laundry, or handle a credit card responsibly. The great thing about your twenties is that you can make mistakes and figure out who you are. If you’re responsible for taking care of yourself plus a partner, it can make your twenties that much more challenging.
Third, what about queer Christians? They can’t get married in most states, so what are they supposed to do? Everyone deserves love and affection and a sense of belonging. Being with a partner can be very emotionally fulfilling. I am willing to guess that Professor Regnerus is opposed to same sex marriage. I’m also willing to bet that he thinks that queer Christians should practice celibacy. So let’s go back to his own statistics about sex and emotional well being – where does this leave queer Christians? Out in the cold.
Personally, I think the key to safe sex is education, not marriage. Just because you’re married, you can’t ensure that your partner will always be faithful. Sure, sex and marriage are both about trust. But let’s be real here – getting married early in life isn’t the key to staying together forever. Nothing lasts forever, no matter how good it is. If that makes me a skeptic, so be it.
Thanks for posting this Serena. I also find Prof. Regnerus’ assertions troubling to say the least. If the “causes” of these “economic, biological, and emotional problems” are the focus on abstinence and the tendency to get married later in life, it seems to me that we not only need more sex education, but more time spent helping young people learn how to make decisions for themselves, and learning how to make healthy relationships. Those are two things that one would think could be supported by people in various religious camps.
Yet another reason I think issues of sexuality and relationships need to be discussed more openly, more honestly, and with less fear and shame in religious contexts.
Thanks for posting this Serena. I also find Prof. Regnerus’ assertions troubling to say the least. If the “causes” of these “economic, biological, and emotional problems” are the focus on abstinence and the tendency to get married later in life, it seems to me that we not only need more sex education, but more time spent helping young people learn how to make decisions for themselves, and learning how to make healthy relationships. Those are two things that one would think could be supported by people in various religious camps.
Yet another reason I think issues of sexuality and relationships need to be discussed more openly, more honestly, and with less fear and shame in religious contexts.
Sorry, forgot to add great post! Can’t wait to see your next post!
I don’t disagree with most of your point accept for adults always making excuses for kids perhaps because they themselves had bad parents or they are bad parents. My kids all had jobs before they were out of high school, checking accounts, were doing their own laundry since Junior high, taking turns cooking and helping in the kitchen and with chores. Any of them can shop for themselves and I’d trust any of them to take over the checking account and pay the bills if we could not.
Parents have been too lazy and have not taught kids what they should while many other parents still do. These articles always focus on the extreme like the small percentage of kids who do have sex but never a discussion about the majority who do not have sex in high school and why. What are these kids doing that somehow they manage a little self control while the other 30% who can’t get to impose on everyone else? I have no issue with. genuine responsible sex education, I’m not pushing for earlier marriage but most people are not heading to Asia to teach english. Most post high school kids have no plans and sit around doing nothing but being selfish because they were not taught as children to be responsible to begin with.
Teach them correctly and let them govern themselves is a principle I have always believed in and my kids are proof it works as are the many other kids in our circle of friends. The boring steady under-appreciated middle Americans who work hard, consider others, still have ethics, morals, and don’t need constant attention and aggrandizing.
@Michael – I agree with you that teenagers need to learn to be self-sufficient. I had a job in high school, paid for my own entertainment and gas for the car, but the first few years post-high school were still hard. I knew how to balance my checkbook and cook for myself, but doing it all without the safety net of mom or dad is totally different than having someone behind you to catch you when you fall.
I don’t think that the current generation of high school students is any more promiscuous than any other group of teenagers. I agree with you – the majority of them are keeping it in their pants. But abstinence only education is not reality, because the reality is that people have sex. Period. So let’s teach them about condoms and birth control options so we don’t end up with pregnant teens.
Correction: the author did NOT say that they should get married after high school, but after college. While I disagree with many of his points, you have not properly engaged with his material well enough to have formed a well-thought out response.
Let’s try and formulate an articulate critique of his articles and book without resorting to the construction of a straw man fallacy. In so doing, you can speak rationally and coherently instead of rehashing arguments rooted in Enlightenment philosophy that have already been debunked, namely that education solves everything. If this were the case, our world would be much improved by now.
Otherwise, stick to what you know, your blog is more interesting when you do that.