Feminists For Choice

I recently went back to working a regular nine-to-five job after scraping by as a freelancer for the past 2 years. I have worked at a desk job since I was 15, so I never would have imagined the impact that going back to work outside of my home would have had on my life.

When I was a full-time freelancer, I could wash a load of laundry in between blog articles. My floors were spotless, because vacuuming is a great change of pace from writing. And I always had a homemade dinner, including dessert, ready to eat when my partner got home. Working from home was the perfect balance for me, because I could fit housework into my daily work schedule, I only had to commute from the coffeepot to my home office, and I could work in my bathrobe if I didn’t feel like dressing up for the day. It was a charmed life.

For the past 2 months, my life has seemed totally out of control. The house is a wreck, we’ve been eating out a lot more because I’m too tired to cook when I get home, and let’s just say that although the sex hasn’t disappeared, it certainly doesn’t happen as frequently when both partners are exhausted from juggling so many responsibilities. Something has got to give, because I cannot sustain a life that is totally out of balance.

There’s a lot of advice on the internet for people who are trying to strike a healthy work-life balance. Most of it seems to be aimed at women. Because let’s face it, we’re the ones who are still pulling double duty – we perform the majority of child and elder care, and we do the majority of the housework. Things are changing somewhat – more men report that they help with the housework than ever before – but we still have a long way to go.

I’m really lucky. My partner does his fair share of the housework. I do all the cooking, so he does all the dishes. He walks the dog, cleans the cat boxes, and takes out the garbage, so I do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep/mop the floors. We take turns cleaning the bedroom and the bathrooms. And we’re each responsible for keeping our own office clean. Nevertheless, when you don’t have the opportunity to do the chores in between client calls and article writing, something has to fall by the wayside. I realize that my own feelings of frustration stem not from the judgment of others, but from my own judgment of myself. I was raised in a Mormon home, where women were responsible for everything. Despite many years of feminist activism and obtaining a Women’s Studies degree, my self esteem is still closely related to the level of cleanliness in my home.

Don’t get me wrong – I do enjoy working outside the house. One of the biggest downsides of working from home is the loneliness factor. I’m a very social person, and I love being around other people. I went back to an office job because I wanted to interact with people on a daily basis. Only having virtual working relationships is a little bizarre. But I gotta say, if I had my druthers, I would totally go back to virtual working relationships to be able to work in my bathrobe and bunny slippers again.

For those of you who pull double duty, what is your advice for striking a healthy balance between work and home? If you’re a freelancer, what is your advice for dealing with the lack of human interaction when you’re working from home? I’d love to get your opinion.