I recently opened dialogue with like-minded Dudes for Choice (DfC) with the hope of piecing together common threads that bring us together as a united political voice. This brief entry will serve to open that ongoing dialogue and encourage other DfC to jump in on this discussion.
This week’s topic: privilege. In discussing feminist politics with 15 DfC the idea of male privilege surfaced more frequently than any other. Indeed, one of the primary reasons that I am pro-choice has to do with my ability to challenge my male privilege.
A brief personal disclosure. I was raised Southern Baptist (to which I remain in a state of recovery) with a hybrid religiosity infused with Mormonism, Seventh-Day Adventist-ism, and a touch of Methodist ideology. That said, I was raised to believe abortion to be a matter closed for discussion. When I entered college I took a women’s studies course—Women and Their Bodies. After this class, I declared Women’s Studies my second major alongside Sociology. I learned of privilege. I learned of oppression. I learned of my white (passing) male privilege as well as my oppressed status as an out of the closet multiracial queer. I came to organize on and off campus and learned the importance of having allies by my side in all that I do politically. And it was there that I began to see the hardship of other classes challenging their own privilege in order to stand in solidarity with me and with other groups seeking their own liberation.
As a male, I have the ability (read privilege) to walk away from the abortion debate without question believing that this is simply “a woman’s issue.” Or, I can remain engaged with the debate. I choose to remain engaged. And this is but one way that I choose to constantly challenge my male privilege.
In discussing pro-choice politics with DfC four trends emerged that are connected to male privilege. Each of these points will be elaborated on in coming weeks but are worthy of mention here so that discussion may ensue.
1. Most of the work that goes into being DfC is both mental and emotional.
DfC are relegated to male dominated arenas where discussions tend to maintain a tinge of blatant sexism. To be a DfC in these arenas is to maintain a strong mental and emotional grounding where one is able to stay focused on the discussion at hand without giving way to emotional defenses. Most of the DfC that I talked to had at least one story in which they found themselves amidst a horde of sexist men on the offense. Most of the DfC I talked to felt that the overwhelming feeling was that the dominant men resented the fact that there are increasing numbers of men leaving the heteropatriarchal bandwagon and jumping on the side of women for women’s safety and rights.
2. DfC cannot be passive in their beliefs.
In a highly sexist world that relegates women to particular realms, DfC must be willing to let their voices be heard—within reason. Due to the overwhelming physical harm/threat given to those men who take on effeminate traits or who take the side of women, it is understood that there is a time and place for DfC to make a stand. However, to be a DfC does not mean passive tactics. It means challenging your male privilege and actively seeking out discussions with other men and women.
3. Queer DfC are faced with the doubly trying task of maintaining a strong political ground between hegemonic-heterosexual maleness and gay community maleness.
As a queer DfC, being pro-choice involves dealing with the aforementioned heterosexual male world as well as the excessively sexist gay male world. As noted by the vast majority of the DfC I have talked to thus far, many gay men turn their backs to women and their rights believing that they have no need for women in their lives as gay men. As such, queer DfC are forced to deal with sexism in both the hetero-male sphere and the gay-male sphere.
4. DfC must get/be/remain as educated as possible about the abortion debate.
Because men cannot have an abortion, get pregnant (open for discussion), nor menstruate (again, open for discussion) it is but one task of DfC to actively seek knowledge on these processes and politics. In order to fully understand the politics of the abortion/choice debate, DfC must do everything in their power to seek the current debates as well as to be aware of what is going on in the workings of the abortion debates.
I maintain that political action is a collective project in need of allies that can work together to open dialogue and to encourage social change. To be a DfC means that in challenging my male privilege I also seek to enact social change.
As a Dude for Choice, I am an ally to women, women’s rights and to the pro-choice debate.
Great post, Benny. I think you brought up a number of excellent points, and I’m really interested to see where you’re going with this thread.
As for sexist gay men – this is one of my biggest pet peeves. I’m not saying all gay men are sexists. Obviously we’ve got a handful of gay men on this site who are openly feminist and pro-choice. But for the majority of gay men, it seems like they’re gay not just because they love men, but because they hate women. Of course, I’m just a bitter lesbian, so this could be my own biased opinion. ;^)
freewomyn, i am laughing still at your post.
I think I may be gay primarily because I love women so much. Then again, this is one more reason why I prefer queer to gay terminology.
I agree with benny. Part of why I love being a gay man is because I can’t get enough of the fabulous women that have stumbled into my life. I learn from their strength and courage each and every day!
and freewomyn, you are absolutely correct. There is alot of sexism that exists in the gay community, particularly amongst men who find it humerous to joke about their hatred for women without any conscious understanding of why thats both divisive and downright inappropriate. Its actually disheartening, but its not only sexism. The way that the gay community has been bombarded and consumed by a capitalist agenda, in my honest opinion, has contributed to the way that the community often times views women.
Benny, I really enjoyed this post! I’m going to look into putting together some analysis of this question about the intricate relationship between women’s rights and gay men. Sounds like a great topic that should certainly be discussed in further detail!
Interesting post. I’m wondering where transguys fit in DFC. Many of the points here assume that all dudes are read as dudes. That guys have a space to talk and contest male privilege with other guys. This is not meant as an attack, I just want to open the conversation up a bit more. Transguys can not afford to walk away from this debate.
Also I’m wondering if we can talk about DFC and contesting male privledge without falling back on the men as savers/women as victims binary that seems to pop here.
Thanks for the thought provoking post.
Thank you Shanman 2000 for your post! I have recently dealt with this very quandary and am interested in broadening my own conception of DfC thinking.
Especially interesting is the fall back notion of men as savior and women as victim–a point that I must further challenge my own thinking with.
Entering transguys into the discourse of DfC is necessary and timely, and I am more than willing and ready to be invested in such a discussion. Where might we begin?
Thank you!
I too agree that the protector-protected dichotomy is problematic, although I don’t necessarily think that is present here. Talking about men as allies does not assume that those men are pushing women’s voices and perspectives out of the conversation. As I think adequately discussed in Tarrants book on men and feminism, its really a question about power. Patriarchy forces us to fall prey to this assumption that when one group gains power that necessarily means others are losing it. Men don’t have to be feminists or join the movement in an effort to infiltrate the discussion. If heteronormative patriarchy places expectations on men’s gender roles then it is equally important to investigate their perspectives and experiences in an effort to break down these gender binaries that perpetuate men’s violence against women and men’s violence against men.
your question is absolutely appropriate. we need to constantly question our position in the feminist movement. Entering the discussion in a way that places men as saviors and women as victims to be rescued must be dismantled. On that same note, I think we should just always be critical of the power. This isn’t exclusive to men entering the discussion; it’s relevant to discussions of race and class privilege amongst both men and women as well.
Benny, one place to start might be to talk about the places where trans concerns and pro-choice concerns overlap. Two things that immediately come to mind are the ability to carry or terminate a pregnancy and the control of bodies.
Some trans guys want to have babies. They should be able to find a doctor for prenatal care and delivery. Others might want to terminate a pregnancy. Finding a doctor willing to care for a man with a male body is super difficult.
Although things are slowly changing, access to hormones and/or surgery is guarded by a number of gate keepers. Here I think a coalition could be built about the rights that one has to one’s body.
It might also be good to start a discussion about trans issues within a DfC group if people are not knowledgeable about trans issues.