Feminists For Choice

Kate has done a really good job of outlining a few basic tips for talking choice. This week I wanted to delve a little bit further into the topic by sharing a few suggestions for talking to pro-life family members about choice. I intentionally use the term pro-life here instead of anti-choice, because many people consider themselves pro-life but support a woman’s right to choose.

My mother is one of those people. She is an ardent Mormon, a retired nurse, mother of two, and grandmother of three. My mom doesn’t personally believe in abortion, but she believes in birth control and feels that each woman has the right to decide what is right for her body. If a doctor has prescribed birth control, my mother feels that pharmacists have an ethical obligation to fill the prescription. My mom once turned down a job offer when she discovered that the facility performed abortions and that she would have to assist with the procedure if she took the job. Yet she believed that the facility should have been providing the service to women.

My mom is the prime example of someone who is “in the middle” of the choice debate. When I told her last week that the current health care reform package in Congress has no provisions for women’s reproductive health care, my mom immediately told me to send her the link to Planned Parenthood’s action page so that she could send a letter and forward it to all of her nursing friends. It’s no surprise that my nurse of a mother realizes that preventative care – like birth control and regular STI screenings – are important health care services. But more importantly, government subsidized prenatal care is absolutely imperative for low-income women, like my sister-in-law, who rely on Planned Parenthood clinics for their pregnancy care since most doctors in her city are reluctant to accept Medicaid patients.

When my mom and I talk about the pro-choice movement, I focus on the issues that I know my mother can support – patient care, privacy issues, and holistic approach to medicine. My mother would never call herself a feminist, but she’s very big on supporting women. (That makes her a feminist in my book, but we all deserve the right to embrace the labels of our choice.) By focusing on issues that I know my mom supports, I can gradually shift the focus to more controversial topics, such as late abortion. But I don’t just launch into a discussion by starting out with the difficult topics. It’s a lot easier to do that once you’ve established an area where you both agree.

Timing and location are also the key to these discussions. I would never talk to my mom about pro-choice issues at a large family function, such as Thanksgiving dinner or a 4th of July BBQ. Like I said, our family is Mormon, and most of them are confirmed rednecks – actually, they’re all rednecks. It’s best to approach the subject when we’re one on one. Car trips are a great opportunity. So are game nights. Crafting projects provide another ideal opportunity. You don’t have to look someone in the face while you’re talking because you can focus on your crafting project. But conversation really seems to flow when people don’t feel like they’re in the hot seat.

What’s your experience been like? How have you been able to broach the subject of the pro-choice movement with pro-life family members or friends? Have you been successful? What strategies did you use?

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