Give Me Your Sex: HIV + Sex

Anonymous question this week:

I have a friend who is HIV+.  He doesn’t disclose his status to prospective partners, and I know he’s having unprotected sex.  What’s my obligation here, or do I even have one?

And here is the response after the jump.

As always, please leave your questions and comments below. If I didn’t get to your question this week, I will get to it next week!


  1. your so classy Clint, and quite frankly…a lot nicer then I am. This guy is consciously engaging in murder. Knowing that you are a carrier of HIV and having unprotected sex with or without informing your sexual partner is not only irresponsible, its inhumane.

    We have a responsibility to the well being of others, and voluntarily opting to spread a disease that is responsible for the death of millions of people a year makes this person not only complacent within a world epidemic, but a contributor to murder. There is literally NO DIFFERENCE between taking a gun and shooting someone and consciously giving them a life threatening illness that has no cure.

    I hope that this person gets help, because clearly there is alot more going on here then just ignorance. Clearly there is a lot of depression that may be present here, but that is never an excuse to spread those feelings of precarity and vulnerability to other people. This person NEEDS to get help, and I absolutely believe that there friend has a responsibility.

    If the friend is reading this, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do the right thing. Talk to your friend and explain to them that what they are doing is unethical and down right inappropriate. If you are their friend – then you will be there for them to help find some alternate solutions for dealing with the psychological issues they are clearly dealing with. Maybe help this person find other individuals affected by HIV so that he understands there is a community there to support him. He is not in this alone, and part of me thinks that this outrageous behavior is in part because of feelings of isolation.

    I’m concerned, to say the least.

  2. freewomyn says:

    AJ, I think the term “murder” here is a little hyperbolic, and it’s really unnecessary. I know you saw an episode of Law & Order where someone was charged with murder for infecting someone else with HIV, but that’s fantasy. I think that the words “asshole” and “murder” are a big turn off, and that the person (or people) who need to hear this message are going to be really turned off by the extreme language being used.

  3. I would use harsh words, as i think you would, for men who think its okay to consciously spread STD’s to women, and that most certainly happens and is appalling.

    my rhetoric may be harsh, but its certainly how i feel about the subject…. I wouldn’t place double standards on the gay community. All people have a responsibility here, and I believe that responsibility is being severely ignored.

  4. The reason for my harsh words in this update was because what the person is doing is at its core an asshole thing to do. I do believe in compassion, caring, and understanding, but this person needs tough love. What he is doing crosses the line from reckless to unconscionable, and he needs to be smacked down–HARD–for what he’s doing. Sometimes you break a person down to build them back up, and in this case, I feel that’s necessary.

  5. I have five words in response: condoms condoms condoms condoms condoms

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