Davina Rhine Talks Rebel Parenting

Feminist Conversations is a regular series here at Feminists For Choice, where we spotlight activists from across the interwebs to find out what feminism means to them. Today we’re talking with Davina Rhine, the author of Rebel Moms, about feminism, moms, and dads. 

1. How would you define a rebel mom?

A Rebel Mom is simply a mom who defies the norm, like the rocker mom, the hip hop mom, the artist mom, the activist mom, the hippie mom, the outspoken Rosie the Riveter working class mom, the Wiccan mom, and so forth.

Of course, if you weren’t expected to sacrifice who you are on the alter of the Ideal Mom, there wouldn’t be a need for rebellion. Generally, though, many women (or specifically the 52 rad moms featured in my book) clash with the Ideal Mom icons: the modernized gentrified version of a 1950s subservient homemaker/soccer mom with a full-time job (or not) and the cultural myth of the superwoman/supermom CEO type. The clash isn’t necessarily intentional, but it is evident simply because they are who they are by nature—which doesn’t mesh with the projected two mommy-icons that dominate us here in the U.S. (As a side note, we also have a projected third ‘bad’ icon: the ’welfare’ mom. The moms in this book also rip that negative stereotype to shreds, in some cases quite intentionally, since it’s an image of outright oppression and meant to shame/silence.)

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Welcome Benny!

Here’s a little more on the author of the great post on dequeering the fetus, since hir’s now joined the editorial team at Feminists for Choice. Please all welcome Benny!

Benny is a doctoral student in Speech Communication at SIU Carbondale. Hir primary research areas include: Intercultural Communication and Performance Studies. Within these areas ze researches, writes and is interested in: queer embodiment, mundane revolution, transgender politics and embodiment, genderqueerness, multiracial theorizing, adults with asperger syndrome, media, and monstrosity. Ze lives in Carbondale with hir partner, Aeron and their dog, Queen Foucault, and bird, Gibbous. Benny is big into body modification practices and is learning to play the bagpipe and guitar concurrently.

How exciting does this all sound?! Please use the comments to welcome Benny!

Book Review: Rebel Moms

I’m not a mom yet, and don’t plan on becoming one for years. However, like many women today I’m already worrying about the dreaded “having it all”: how will I combine a career and child-rearing and what will happen to my life once I decide to reproduce and bring forth little humans who my husband and I will be completely responsible for? The book “Rebel Moms” edited by Davina Rhine perhaps provides some answers to these questions, which perplex so many of us (also increasingly men as well – yay for equality or boo – for today’s society where it seems to be so hard for everyone to have a family?).

The moms in Rebel Moms are all self-described “counter-culture” women with fascinating life stories. They do awesome things – they’re activists, writers, teachers, tattoo artists, professional bassists and actresses. No 9-till-5 corporate jobs for these ladies! They all stayed true to their (mostly) non-consumerist, non-mainstream ideals through their pregnancies and beyond and live to tell the tale. It was truly inspiring to read about so many women who are moms and don’t stop being themselves, even if who they are doesn’t fit with what society tells us mom “should” look and behave like. [Read more...]

The verb “to rape” and how NOT TO teach English grammar

Some people’s inability to treat rape as the serious act of violence that it is, as opposed to say, a joke, has recently been quite a hot topic. Unfortunately, joking about rape and treating it like it’s really “not that big a deal” is no new thing. However, even having said that I was stunned stupid by the scandal that Polish media (to their great credit) were reporting all over the place last week: rape as a teaching opportunity. An opportunity to teach English grammar no less!

Last week a seriously upset mother called the Polish ombudsmen reporting that the grammar workbook her son is using (“English Tenses – it doesn’t get easier” by Walt Waren) teaches verb declination using examples including the word “rape.” Some of the exercises included translating into Polish:

  • Tom will rape Linda tomorrow.
  • Linda hopes to get raped before the end of the summer.
  • Linda is raped everyday.

Rape culture alert, anyone? [Read more...]

Knock knock. Who’s there? Syphilis…Again

A few years ago a friend told me a story about how a young guy whose life was saved by a doctor – and the story stuck in my mind. You would think that that’s what doctors are for – they save lives (they really do – I’m a living example) so maybe there’s nothing so special about this? But what was incredible about J.’s story was that the life-saving was, in a way, very unglamorous.

It involved no fancy operations or cutting edge technology. In fact, what was important was that the doctor was old (and once served in the military). Old enough to remember the diseases soldiers used to get a lot – including syphilis. He remembered the early symptoms and was able to identify ‘the pox’, from which the young man suffered, at a stage at which a younger doctor possibly couldn’t.

If he’d had been treated by someone who went to medical school after syphilis supposedly slipped into medical history, the disease might not have been identified and he would likely have been exposed to its awful consequences. And syphilis’ symptoms and consequences are not a walk in the park and include everything from skin ulceration (including in the genital and rectal areas), cardiovascular issues and very serious neurological problems (friendly advice: do NOT google image syphilis). Although many people infected with syphilis do not have any symptoms for years, they remain at risk for late complications if they are not properly taken care of. Untreated, syphilis is very bad for you: it has a mortality of 8% to 58% (and watch out – it discriminates and has a greater death rate in males). [Read more...]

Domestic violence and vicious feminist propaganda: A journey inside the head of a conservative minister of justice

Jarosław Gowin (Official Ministry photo...with a bit of Feminists for Choice commentary)

Here’s an uncontroversial statement: domestic violence is bad. It’s bad for women, children and men. It’s an all-around nasty thing, right? And it’s worth doing all we reasonably can to stop it, right? Well, if you answered yes to both of the previous questions you are in opposition to the Polish Minister of Justice Jarosław Gowin who spent the major part of last week opposing the Council of Europe Convention on preventing and combating violence against women and domestic violence. Counterintuitive? Yes! Bigoted and incredibly stupid? Yes! In opposition to the minister’s very conservative views of women and marriage? Sadly – no.

The (and I cringe when I write  his job title) Minister of Justice thinks that this convention will force Poland to legally acknowledge partnerships (including – oh, the horror! – homosexual partnerships!). What’s worse – the convention claims that gender is a social construct and men and women shouldn’t be limited in their life choices based on their sex. A former Catholic Church altar boy and current Opus Dei affiliate as well as self-proclaimed defender of ‘common sense’ could not stomach any of this “vicious feminist propaganda” (a charming phrase he uses to describe the Convention in question).

Who would have suspected –  Gowin is proving to be a backward, bigoted chauvinist (pardon the legal jargon).  Although he has surprisingly progressive views on transsexuals and thinks the state should help them live in accordance with their identified gender rather than that assigned at birth (including supporting gender re-assignment surgery). I say surprisingly because a lot of Catholics claim transsexuals are just confused, or something, because “God doesn’t make mistakes”.  He can obviously cut himself off from some of his religiously and conservatively oriented worldview in a few cases but gender equality is not one of them.
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Here Come the Brides: Reflections on Lesbian Love and Marriage

I feel I owe any potential readers of this review two disclaimers: 1) I’m recently (heterosexually) married 2) I’m a pretty emotional softy who loves a real-life story with a happy ending. And with that out of the way, here’s the basic thing you should know about this book: it’s awesome! I absolutely loved it. This 400-page new Seal Press anthology edited by Audrey Bilger and Michele Kort is a veritable page-turner, which includes essays, as well as poems, comic strips and pictures. I had real trouble putting the thing down and had “something in my eye” on more than one occasion.

The book is what the title claims it will be – reflections on lesbian love and marriage – and more. Between the covers are dozens of stories of real women, real drama, real love and real sadness. It gripped my heart and made me think seriously about some of the issues concerning marriage equality, which I have never given much thought before. This book is more than just love stories with a happy ending – there are also stories of divorce and essays by women who do not want to get married to their life partners. For the first time, I seriously considered the arguments of LGBTQ activists who claim marriage equality is a “political red herring” which draws attention away from other important issues such as health and immigration. It made me think about what marriage actually really means to me, and what a privilege it was to get married so easily in a pretty homophobic country.
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Pink Ribbon Inc. – The story of how breast cancer become a pink marketable good

I don’t usually see movies in central London, but this time I decided it was worth the equivalent of $50 for two cinema tickets. The Human Rights Watch Film Festival was in town and my husband and I decided to see at least one movie. We decided on Léa Pool’s Pink Ribbon Inc, which is based on the book by Dr. Samantha King and boy, was that a good idea.

This movie really should have the subtitle: “Here’s more if you’ve sort of stopped being angry at Komen after the Planned Parenthood debacle.” It exposes how the Susuan G. Komen Foundation and the Avon Foundation have hijacked the ribbon from Charlotte Haley  (which was originally more of a salmon color than the bright pink we know today) and turned it into a tool for corporate gains.

To be sure – raising awareness is important and so is community. However, this film peels away the layers of pinkification and the “tyranny of cheerfulness” which now surrounds this brutal disease and touches upon the difficult issues. It talks about the very important stuff which is left unspoken during the runs and races for the cure. Just a few include: [Read more...]

Slut-shaming – my story

I was eight  years old and – truth be told – a pretty easy victim if you were looking to pick at a vulnerable kid. I had large pink glasses and braces on my teeth. I was smaller than the other kids and talked funny. We had just moved back to Poland after two years in the US and I spoke better English than Polish. And when I did speak Polish, it was with an accent other school kids only knew from American movies which were just beginning to be shown in a newly democratic and capitalist Poland. One might say, “I was asking for it.”

Things sort of went downhill after my first day of school. We had a Catholic religion class (yay secular state!) and I had a notebook with a kitten on the cover. Apparently, the previous summer the nun teaching the class announced we’re supposed to bring in a notebook with the Virgin Mary on the cover. I hadn’t known about that (which might have had something to do with the fact that when she was making the announcement I was living in Illinois a few thousand kilometres away…) and brought in an obviously very religiously offensive kitten. The nun decided she cannot put up with this sort of behaviour and threw me out of class calling me the devil’s spawn (I wish I was making this stuff up!). I didn’t know what was happening and a girl who spoke some English had to take my hand and lead me out of the classroom explaining I’m not supposed to come back until the bell rings again. Boy, was I confused…   [Read more...]

Sex Tapes and Slut-Shaming: The Latest Installment

Tulisa Contostavlos

The UK is all-a-buzz about Tulisa Contostavlos, a 23-year old X Factor judge whose ex-boyfriend posted their sex-tape online without her consent. We’ve seen this happen countless times; Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian are two recent examples that come to mind. A young “celebrity” has a video posted – the ultimate “girls gone wild” experience – and a tonne of publicity ensues, most of it calling her bad names. The male (the leaked sex tapes are always heterosexual) barely gets a mention and never gets any of the shaming.

This time something was different. Tulisa followed up with her own video (which has now been seen by over 3.5 million people) where she speaks out about the sex tape.

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