BDSM Can Be What A Feminist Looks Like!

Question of the week:

Is it unfeminist of me if I like to be dominated in the bedroom? Am I selling out the movement if I let my partner tie me up?

Thank you for this excellent question, and let me begin with a resounding NO! It is likely that I will get some push back, and maybe even some strong resistance to this answer. There are some who argue that any thing that could be related to dominance/submission, violence, or physical restriction is inherently unfeminist…while I generally agree with these sentiments, I think that the bedroom is different territory…please hear me out. [Read more...]

Judith Butler Protests Homonationalism

Feminist theory icon, Judith Butler caused a scene a Berlin Pride in Germany last week by refusing to accept their “Courage” award and calling the organizers out for being associated with Homonationalist movements/sympathizers. You can watch the speech here (she’s speaking in German, so you’ve got to read the subtitles). When a friend posted this link on facebook I had to read it for two reasons, the same reasons I share it with you… [Read more...]

Nunsense…Below the Surface of the Sister Margaret McBride’s Excommunication

Image from NPR

So, I generally I write about sex and sexuality education topics, but I’m switching it up this post. As soon as the excommunication of Sister Margaret McBride hit the news several friends sent me links, but only in the last couple of days have I gotten to what I think most disturbs me about the instantaneous decision of a male Bishop to “immediately excommunicate” this nun. [Read more...]

Yes, Lesbians Have Cervixes, Too!

Ok, the title might be a little tongue in cheek, but from the stories that I have heard over and over again, one might think that sexual health professionals have forgotten that lesbians have cervixes and other sexual organs. I have run out of the fingers to count the number of times I have heard the same story. “My doctor/gynecologist told me that I don’t need pap smears because I told her I was a lesbian.” Or “My doctor told me that I don’t need to worry about sexually transmitted infections because I’m a lesbian.” [Read more...]

Wait, a UTI isn’t a STI?

Happy new year Lyndsey! I really need your help, comments, or suggestions..ok I have a partner who i am being sexually active with, and he always uses a condom. Yesterday I had this really bad pain in my lower abdomen and I felt the need of peeing…but I couldn’t pee and when i peed my vagina started to hurt really bad and it was burning..later that day i had to pee again constantly and i started to bleed really bad but chunks. then i didnt bleed anymore and it stop, but is starting back. i strongly believe is not my period..what should i do? Or why is this happening??

Thank you for writing me and I am very sorry to hear about your pain. What you are describing does not sound pleasant! Let me begin by saying that any information or advice given here is not a replacement for actual medical advice, and that my first suggestion to see a medical professional. With that out of the way, what you describe sounds most like a urinary tract infection and less like a sexually transmitted infection (repeat: the ONLY way to know is to go to a medical professional). So, what exactly is a UTI and what makes a UTI different from a sexually transmitted infection? [Read more...]

Sex, so many little choices…

So, I realize that generally this post is full of specific information or advice around having safer sex, but this month I seem to be without a good question. Instead I thought I’d try to spark a discussion about one of the hardest aspects of sexual actions to identify, name, or teach: Decision Making. [Read more...]

Could I Be Pregnant?!

This week’s safer sex question:

I’m 17 and very worried that I may be pregnant. I’ve been taking Loestrin 24fe for about 3 months now, and I have a steady boyfriend. I’ve never fully had unprotected sex, but sometimes we use a form of the withdrawal method (but only for about a minute or so). Otherwise, we always use condoms also. Today, I got really bad cramps and pretty heavy spotting (I’m not supposed to get my period until next week). I looked it up online, and I found many sites that talked about implantation and how spotting is normal during early pregnancy. I don’t usually miss pills, but I have missed one or two in the past. Should I be worried that I may be pregnant?

Thank you for sending your question, I can hear your anxiety and worry. Even though your concern is a very common experience for many women, it doesn’t make experiencing it any less stressful. Let me begin with a little bit of a disclaimer, I am not a doctor or medical professional and anything I offer here as a response is educational rather than diagnostic. [Read more...]

Going Down? “Lesbian” Sex is More than You Think!

The sex ed question of the week: I’m a lesbian who doesn’t like eating pussy. I don’t like the taste, I don’t like the smell, and I’m not a fan of all that pubic hair in my mouth. Is there something wrong with me?

No, there’s nothing wrong with you.

Contrary to popular belief, there is no such thing as “gay sex” or “lesbian sex,” at least not in the limited ways that people often think—therefore there is nothing wrong with you because you do not enjoy a particular sexual act. Sex acts of all sorts cross the boundaries of all identities. What I mean by that is there are no prescribed ways that any person of any identity has to have sex for it to “count.” You do not have to enjoy or engage in oral sex to be a “true lesbian” or have sex as a lesbian.

[Read more...]

The Continuing Search for the Female Condom

This week we have a simple, thoughtful question: Why are female condoms so expensive/hard to find?Female Condom

As a sex educator, I am repeatedly asked this question—thanks for the chance to answer it in a broader format! I’m going to split this answer into three sections so everyone can get the scoop on female condoms: section one—female condoms 101, section two—why can’t I find them, section three—the good news, condoms coming your way! [Read more...]

Herpes and Safer Oral Sex

dentaldamsDear Lyndsey,

I’ve heard a lot of different things about STDs and oral sex and I don’t know what to believe or listen to. I was about to go down on a newly-made lady friend and she stopped me to tell me that she had herpes, but hadn’t had an outbreak in months. While I’m glad she was honest, but I was confused and didn’t continue my journey south. So, what’s the story, am I safe?

Thanks,
Heading for warmer climates

Excellent question, and I can assure you that you are not the only one who has ever been confused or thwarted below the belt. Hopefully I can help clear a few things up. [Read more...]