Angsty Activist
Last week I talked about personal activism. Although I find it easier to talk to young fresh minds and Kate gave us all some Tips for Talkin’ Choice I find myself in a quandary. I find myself intimidated to talk to a man who is both welcoming and giving yet has the words “Pro” and “Choice” tattooed on both his knuckles. Also dawning a license plate holder that reads, “Pro-Life, it’s a kid yo!” this man is a close personal friend of my significant other. Not a friend by choice I interact with the “Pro-Life” man rarely and merely so that my mate can visit when we travel to San Diego where we play Risk, Darts, Pool and we BBQ on various weekends. The “Pro-Lifer” (or “Anti-Choicer”) is a gracious host, he fills our tummies, and fills our drinks. I find it hard to be silent in his presences but I do so to keep the peace.
I wouldn’t normally bring up a Choice debate but it’s always there on his knuckles staring me in the face. It’s the first thing I see on the back of his car. He is obviously not looking for a debate but something has to be said. How would you broach this topic without being disrespectful in this person’s home? Does the topic even need to be broached?
His son and step-son also live with him and as we watched TV together his son would utter, “that guy’s so gay”, “he looks gay”, that’s gay” repeatedly. Finally, I informed him that gay people are all sorts of different from each other and there is no one “gay” look. We chit chatted about what I reported and he seemed receptive of my words. Not a minute when by though when he said again, “that’s gay.” I’ll have to work on the little one but his dad obviously influences him.
Maybe I am angsty because I feel as though I cannot change the mind set of some one who as their stance tattooed on their hands. Maybe I am angsty because I see a world that is still filled with patriarchy and ethnocentrism. People must stop looking at womyn as only sexual objects or a prize to be won. Parents must stop separating their children into pink and blue, G.I. Joe and Barbie, Tools and Kitchen, Princesses and Cowboys, and instead teach all children how to use tools, to cook, to act, to play sports. Equal opportunities must start in the beginning. My father raised me to weld, saw, play baseball, milk goats, and to build. I was never taught how to use a curling iron until I was 14 (and it was not by choice- the girls in my Christian Camp thought it was blasphemy that I had never used one.) Equality starts at a young age- so next week I’ll be posting on alternative ways to raise children with equal gendered opportunities.
Stay Tuned- and for now, let me know if you have any advise for how/if I should talk to the tattooed Man.
peace, love and rock n’ roll,
Reyna
1freewomyn
wrote on 11 June 2009 at 8:18
Reyna, unfortunately, this man is not worth your time. He has a very entrenched idea about choice, and this is not a potential recruit to the pro-choice movement. He’s not in the middle. He’s firmly on the far right. If you need to interact with this person because it’s important for your partner to have a relationship with him, then keep avoiding the topic. You’ll only end up in a heated shouting match, and he clearly has the potential to become violent about this if “pro choice” is tattooed on his knuckles. Save yourself the emotional and physical trauma and just work on the “gay” comments. It seems like there’s an opportunity for change there.
2aj
wrote on 11 June 2009 at 11:03
I have to agree with serena on this one. sometimes its not even worth it to start a battle that clearly will have no positive ceasefire.
Keep working on the kid though. Young minds are always impressionable. And more times then not, there words of ignorance stem from their primary influence. Work your way into his ‘circle of trust’ so you can continue to break down his preconceived notions and stereotypes of gay people.
3Kate
wrote on 11 June 2009 at 15:32
Uh, wow…that tat is intense. While I tend to agree with Serena that this dude is a fucktard you shouldnt bother with – in the spirit of my post and the fact that this dude is a friend of your family who has welcomed you into his home, i’ll take a stab at some advice.
I wouldn’t broach the ‘choice’ debate with him, but instead in a low-key out-of-the-spotlight-moment-when-no-ones-listening, i.e. around the bbq, ask about the significance of the knuckle tat. As in, why do you want to, presumably, PUNCH choicers? If he has other strong political beliefs, why did they not inspire enough ire in him to get that tat? Just get him talkin’, not about why he’s anti-choice, but about why he’s VIOLENTLY so. maybe there is something in his past that was the seedling for this particular brand of obnoxiousity geez..good luck
oh and p.s., you’re not ‘angsty’ you are perfectly and sanely reasonable. what an obnoxious tatoo, seriously.
4S2
wrote on 12 June 2009 at 20:39
I wish I had a chance to post higher up in the order to clear up a couple of things before people start going around calling my friend a “fucktard”, but it is too late for that now. First, the tattoo is “pro life”. This is his personal belief….he doesn’t get violent about it or have plans to protest womyns’ right to choice. Myself being a borderline nihilist, finds this person religious to a fault at times. A lot of the language he uses (especially using the word gay) is used inappropriately. I know full well he can be offensive in trivially using such words to emasculate. Such things i will not defend. Please keep in mind he wishes no ill will to the gay and lesbian community; he supports legalizing gay marriage. I know he is an asshole at times, and I am biased to this subject, but he does have a giant heart. So please don’t be so quick to judge some one you don’t know who got a tattoo 13 years ago that you may not fit into your personal ideals.
5freewomyn
wrote on 12 June 2009 at 22:05
Hey S2 – you make a really good point that people shouldn’t judge. Obviously you know this person better than any of us do. But I do think this is one instance where the topic is best left unbroached for the sake of maintaining a friendship that is obviously very important to you. I don’t think it’s an issue of being “in the closet” about being pro-choice. I think it’s an issue of picking the appropriate time to have a convo and a time to walk away.
6Kate
wrote on 13 June 2009 at 13:10
my bad totally misunderstood the tat – no offense intended. i’m a little sailor mouth-ed, the F word is a versatile and oft used part of my vocabulary implying no ill will. seriously, its a problem in public restaurants when children are present
7Reyna
wrote on 16 June 2009 at 10:39
Just wanted to clarify-
His tat reads Pro- and Life
I guess I woud rather his tat read Pro Choice… maybe I’ll get a tat that says Pro Choice and we’ll have a battle of the tats.