And, maybe this is my problem, but I do find it intimidating to attempt to “educate” someone like Carol Adams who has published 10 books about feminism while I only started learning about feminism in any systematic way last year.

Well, without a link to the discussion you speak of, I can’t really say much about your experience. I can make assumptions, based on some very generalized experiences, but they could easily be wrong.

First, I’d like to applaud you for seeing this as an opportunity to learn, despite your being initially baffled, and possibly hurt by your experience.

Second, let me say that cis-sexism(a new term for me, but it seems to fit better in many cases then transphobia), is pretty much all over the place. Trans folk deal with it as a basic, constant, background fact. So, some of us can get a bit tired of trying to explain it, and might just get snappish. It happens. Much like feminists might not always feel up to explaining to some guy exactly why what he just said was misogynistic.

As to the butterfly thing, as stated, it -is- often used by transwomen. It’s not used much at all by transmen. In this country or any other, I’d imagine. I like the imagery personally, but I can understand many FtMs not being excited about it. And it really doesn’t fit well to symbolize the entire transgender spectrum.

Finally, I agree that the best place to hear about cis-sexism, what it looks like, what it feels like, is from TG people themselves. It’s hard to see privilege from the inside.

If you want to be a trans ally, the #1 thing you can do is use the right pronouns. If a person asks you to refer to them as a “he,” do it. It takes practice. You might make mistakes. All you need to do is correct yourself without making a big deal of it, then move on.

The other thing I would say is be aware that bathroom safety is a huge issue for trans people. Everyone pees. But not everyone can walk into a restroom without having to worry about whether or not they’re going to get assaulted. Pay attention to where you’re at – when a business has single-stall, locking bathroom, let your trans friends know. If you own a business, make your bathrooms unisex bathrooms. It’s a pretty basic way to make trans folks feel more welcome in your establishment. And trust me, people will spread good word of mouth.

Just as learning about feminism from men is probably not the best idea, you might find things written trans people more useful, e.g., TransGriot. Leslie Davis cannot even bring herself to acknowledge that she is cisgender — without the quotes — and further denies her privilege by calling the term “slang.” Meanwhile, she moves within lesbian circles with ease and doesn’t question why there is probably a lack of trans dykes in her world. (Because they have been systematically excluded.)

Many cissexual women I know have found Julia Serano’s book Whipping Girl to be mind-opening. Follow up with Viviane Namaste’s Sex Change, Social Change and Invisible Lives.

It’s ironic that the title of your blog appeared next to a picture of avowed cissexist, Carol J. Adams. If you do want to be an ally, confront her about her transphobia in the upcoming chat. For background:

Feminism Beyond Transphobia

Transphobia and Feminists for Animal Rights

Transphobia and Carol Adams

You are right, I never claimed to be broken, I only claim to seek an understanding.

Thanks so much to those who have informed me about the butterfly and its symbolism. I came across the symbol while doing my web searches on “cis,” but come to think of it it may not have been on the site of an American organization. The butterfly as a symbol makes sense to me and I believe has a lovely symbolic meaning, but I so appreciate knowing that what I have written in not accurate.

The cis definition is interesting. It might be more helpful to think of a cisgendered person as someone who identifies with the gender they were assigned at birth rather than the gender that they were born with. It is a small differance but the latter definition reifies the problematic ideas about the naturalness of gender.

I’ve never heard cissexist or cisgay – thanks for providing me with some new terms:)

The trans and queer communities that I am a part of use the term cisprivledge to reference privledges of the cisgendered community. For example one cisprivledge is the ease with which cis gendered folks use public bathrooms.

nice post!